All About College

Let me start by saying that three graduation ceremonies are two ceremonies too many and that I am very appreciative of my parents for sitting on hard plastic chairs for upwards of seven hours during this very long and exhausting graduation weekend. While I never doubted I would make it to graduation, everything about it felt like a mirage. I remember being in the library at a ridiculous hour one night during Freshman year, practically falling asleep while reading my ECON101 notes and thinking: “I cannot believe I have to slave away for another 3.5 years”. Suddenly I am sitting in a stadium, drowning in a blue gown, reminiscing about everything that’s happened in those 3.5 years since, and being in utter disbelief about my impending life trajectory.

I didn’t love every second of my time at the University of Delaware. However, it was also an extremely abnormal college experience considering my grand total of three semesters spent on campus as a full-time student. I chose UD because I wanted to major in business, minor in fashion, and continue to figure skate, and hated the idea of a city school. Since starting, a professor has told me that I am not a typical business student, I discovered passions and career interests outside of fashion, ended my figure skating career, and realized I probably should have gone to a city school after all. Regardless of how misplaced I felt in Newark, DE, my undergraduate career gave me a new perspective on life, broadened my world, and introduced a support system that gave me the confidence to be fearless in pursuing my dreams.

As much as I thrive on academic validation, it's generally not something I am most proud of; this continues to be the case as I reflect on my past four years. Most of what I learned and how I developed have nothing to do with the classroom. While I do share a lot, there’s also a lot that I don’t share online, and knowing the person and battles I was facing when I started college, and all of the effort it took to overcome those challenges, I am just really proud of myself.

So, here’s an exhaustive list (that nobody asked for) of my key takeaways from college – many of which are not exclusive to college.

And a friendly reminder that this is all based on personal experience and not reflective of every student's experience at UD :)

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Things I Wish I Hadn't Learned

Group Projects Don’t Get Better

This was the first lesson and most immediate disappointment of my college career. I naively assumed that since most students are paying an excessive amount of money to attend college, it would be reflected in their level of participation and dedication to group projects. I was wrong. I found group projects in college to be worse than in high school because there is rarely dedicated class time to work together, which means you have to try to get together outside of class, which is always a challenge. I have been lucky enough to have worked in some amazing groups, but I’ve also had the misfortune of being part of dysfunctional groups that made my classes 100x more stressful than necessary.

The Apples to Oranges of Comparison

Of all the reasons I was eager to leave high school – and more specifically, to leave Rhode Island – I was most excited to be free of whatever persona I had created and the competitiveness that accompanied it. In high school, everyone is more or less doing the same thing, so comparison makes slightly more sense. In college, it was less about people asking what you got on an exam and more about passing judgment on majors and career ambitions…, which I also did not appreciate. There are a lot of stereotypes associated with college majors and a hierarchy of respect. At least in my assessment, business majors tend to be on the low end of that pyramid (at least at my school). Knowing how much effort I put in and my reasons for being in the business school made being on the receiving end of those jokes much worse. Honestly, the whole thing made me angry. So often, I think people confuse interests and motivation with ability. There tends to be this misconception that people who aren’t STEM majors lack intelligence. However, many students are simply just uninterested and are more talented in other areas. I think it’s so important to respect other people’s ambitions. Ultimately, the world would be a boring and stagnant place if everybody thought the same way, studied the same subjects, or wanted the same career path.

Lettings Things Go So You Can Grow

Apart from injuries and a global pandemic, I hadn’t gone more than a couple of weeks without skating for nearly seventeen years. Being a figure skater was always my fun fact during icebreakers, and much of my identity was rooted in the sport. I had every intention of continuing to skate on the collegiate team throughout college, but life happens, priorities change, and I gradually fell out of love. It was confusing and heartbreaking to step away, but I recognized that I had other outlets for the aspects of skating that I love most. Letting go of something that had a huge influence on who I am as an individual stirred many emotions for several months. Still, it also felt like a monumental step in growing up and finding joy in other passions.

Things I'm Glad I Learned

Familial Privilege

There are many ways in which I am privileged and other ways in which I am not. During my college career, it became really important for me to routinely check my privilege. Much of my life’s mission is centered around helping people feel less alone in their struggles by encouraging difficult conversations and doing my part to destigmatize certain topics. However, I don’t want what I have to share to come from an ignorant place, hence the “checking my privilege” and constant disclaimers. In doing so, I realized my greatest privilege is that I have a wonderful family, and in particular, a supportive mother who gives me the freedom to explore all my possibilities regardless of how nervous it makes her. I also have the comfort of knowing that if something goes amiss I will not be disowned, and that allows me to take greater risks and be a bit more fearless in the pursuit of my ambitions. College made me have a much greater level of appreciation for my family and strengthened my relationship with my mom, who is now my best friend.

A New Perspective

Growing up in a small suburban town, I had a very comfortable upbringing and a narrow frame of reference. My world and perspective became much broader once starting college, and it is one of my favorite takeaways from my undergrad experience. Some of it was mundane and humorous, like learning that party pizza is only a Rhode Island thing and that nobody will know what you’re referring to if you say “carriage” instead of “shopping cart”. Leaving the Rhode Island bubble made me more curious about the world. Through my coursework, I fell in love with learning about different cultures and theories. I enjoyed listening to my classmates' perspectives and found so much value in having open and honest conversations with anybody who was willing. I’ve retained a limited amount of what was taught in most of my classes. However, the interactions I’ve had, and the diverse ideologies, lifestyles, and people I’ve encountered have had a lasting impact. I believe that the world can be as small or as large as we want it to be. As my best friend put it, my college experience fostered and solidified my need to continuously “learn more, travel far, and drink good coffee.”

Embracing the Unknown and Unwanted

I was fortunate enough to have the flexibility to take classes throughout my academic career that either directly interested me or were fundamental to my career ambitions. Occasionally, I had to take courses that did not satisfy those previously mentioned criteria. However, those classes (that I really did not want to take) had the most profound impact on me as an individual. The History and Practice of Non-Violence and Globalization: Politics, Culture, and Governance were not topics I had previously confronted with and could not foresee myself enjoying. However, these two classes brought me out of the business/fashion bubble where I spent most of my academic time, and encouraged me to think critically about other aspects of life and the world at large. The moral and theoretical nature of the topics presented challenges, as they went beyond the typical memorizing required of most classes. As a result of embracing concepts I would have never entertained on my own, I gained a better understanding of my place in the world and how I hope to make an impact.

Independence

I have always been independent and self-sufficient, but going to school somewhat far away and especially studying abroad, enhanced that quality. Moving away from home introduced new responsibilities and an incredible amount of freedom. For the most part, I absolutely loved that about college. However, there were a few unanticipated and undesirable events where all I wanted to do was go home, be taken care of by my mom, and not have to be an adult. The circumstances did not allow that, and while I was miserable as it was happening, looking back, having to navigate those situations on my own has given me more self-assurance.

Queens of the Castle

I was lucky enough to make some amazing friends during freshman year and at various points throughout my college career. However, the trio, lovingly dubbed “Queens of the Castle” has a special place in my heart. College was the first time I had to make friends with complete strangers instead of just people I had known since elementary school. I was incredibly scared, but these two friends turned roommates helped me in many ways. In particular, until recently, I had always been very tight-lipped about my dreams because I didn’t want to deal with the criticism. These two friends were the first people I told about possibly starting a blog, they were my first two subscribers and sent so many encouraging texts in the early stages when I was still feeling very insecure about the entire thing. Their unwavering support made it easier for me to embrace my passions, become more comfortable being myself, and open up to more people.

To these two ladies, who I’m sure will read this at some point: I miss our movie nights, deep chats, banter, and fire alarms. You better come visit me in Paris :)

Things I'm Glad I Did

Passion Projects

I started doing passion projects at the end of high school and re-started my sophomore year of college. After freshman year, it became very apparent to me that my chosen course of study was not going to prepare me for what I wanted to do, and due to the nature of being at a large university, there weren't people (at least at that point in my college career) who were going to help me. I realized I had to make opportunities for myself, and since I have never been one to join clubs and student organizations, I started doing passion projects. Right or wrong, that is just my way, and I learned a lot from the various projects I pursued. Aside from greater self-assurance, having these projects gave me something to talk about in interviews when I was applying for positions where I didn’t have professional experience. This blog, especially, has been a wonderful portfolio, and through doing it, I gained greater insight into what I actually want to do while also building a foundation to get me there.

Self-Assurance & Conviction

I have numerous interests and ambitions that don’t necessarily fit nicely together and will undoubtedly be challenging to achieve. However, the possibility of someday achieving everything is more exciting to me than giving up on certain objectives for the sake of an easier path. Most of what I want to do has been met with skepticism and judgment. At some point in my college career, I made the decision to take that criticism into consideration, but ultimately trust that my ambitions, however unconventional or impractical they may be, are not out of reach. I trust that my future will be beautiful in its uncertainty and eclecticism, and by the end, I hope to have gained a broader worldview, more knowledge, and a deeper understanding of my capabilities. Now, I live by the notion that I am too young to give up on my dreams, and that mindset alone has helped me through several difficult moments.

Study Abroad

I mean…, this one is obvious. This was by far my favorite part of college. My study abroad experience taught me so much about myself and I will always be an advocate for traveling far and immersing yourself in another culture.

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Despite the challenges and (hopefully) once-in-a-lifetime events, I had a great undergraduate experience. Good or bad, I am appreciative of all the lessons learned for preparing me for the next exciting adventure!